Mommie Dearest II: Electric Boogaloo

Holy hell, this is the mother of all "My mother is crazier than your crazy mother," memoirs. 


Wendy Lawless had a shitty childhood. Sure she grew up in posh New York City apartments, lived for a while in London, traveled to exotic locales and glamours cities and she wore the best clothes, but it was still a shitty childhood. Her mother Georgann was a narcissistic psychotic alcoholic. Wendy's life played out like a twenty year long bad movie, and it wasn't just one bad movie she was living in. She was living in several.

Here are some highlights of her living nightmare.

A Very Joan Crawford Christmas: One year for Christmas Wendy and her sister Robin neglected to show their mother the proper appreciation for their mother's fancy gifts including a mini soda fountain from FAO Schwartz, they made the fatal mistake of fawning over their father and the dolls he gave them instead. Later that night she told the girls that they had to throw away all of their Christmas presents including all of the toys they already owned.

Not Without My Daughter(s): Upon learning that her ex was going to remarry she packed up the girls and moved to London without telling their father. Years later when Wendy reunites with her father he tells her that after he learned what happened he was planning on sending his brother to London to kidnap them but thought better of it.

The Little Foxes: Upon learning that her father is dying Georgann packs up the girls and moves back to Kansas City for a death watch. After her father dies she discovers that her father did not leave the bulk of his estate to her and set up trust funds for Wendy and Robin. Georgann then tells them that when they turn 21 they have to sign their trust funds over to her as payback for all of the years of their thankless behavior.

The Burning Bed: Georgann barges into Robin's bedroom in the middle of the night and lights a sweater on fire then tosses it onto her stereo.

Here's Johnny: During an argument with Georgann Robin locks her bedroom door. Being the reasonable woman that she is, Georgann starts to chop away at the door.

Strait Jacket: Wendy's mother doesn't chop any heads off but she hits on her boyfriend ala Joan Crawford's character. 

Almost Famous: Wendy has a flirtation with a young saxophone player named Lee from the band Madness. 

And like all good movies there's a couple of "hey it's that guy!" moments. Wendy gets a job working for a theater company and one of her duties was to put Mark Linn-Baker into a harness and fluff up his Puck pants. For you young ones who don't know who that is, Mark Linn-Baker played cousin Larry in one of the greatest sitcoms of the 80's, Perfect Strangers. Also we learn that Georgann was good friends with Montel Williams favorite psychic, Sylvia Browne, in her teen years.

After twenty long years of suffering, Wendy finally gets a clue and packs up her shit and tells her mother it's been real, real awful, and finally starts living her life for herself. 

Like most life messes, Georgann also had a shitty childhood. Her birth father tried to kill her birth mother so she and her siblings were dropped off at the local orphanage where she was adopted by an indifferent father and a physically abusive mother, not that this excuses her behavior. 

This book will make anyone who grew up at odds with their mother thankful that at least they didn't have Mommie Dearest II raising them.