Phobic Fridays

Gelotophobia- The fear of laughter or laughing. 

RIP To The Only Show On The E! Network That Mattered

Those fucksticks at E! have finally completed their transformation into the most utterly useless trash network of all time, and that includes the TV Guide Channel. They canceled The Soup, and I am beyond crushed, it kills me to know that I will no longer be getting my weekly Joel McHale fix just because this sweet, funny, smart, sarcastic man cracked one too many jokes at the Kardashian's expense, in other words, he told the truth. That family is nothing more than a walking punchline. Okay, I don't know that for sure, but that's a theory floating out there in the interwebs.

Would someone give him a show? I'll watch it, I swear. I watched every single episode from season 6 of Community and season 6 was nothing but one terrible episode after another. 

That's right Troy, scream your heart out, that's what I felt like doing all day yesterday. 

Phobic Fridays

Gymnophobia- Fear of nudity

Happy Halloween!

Enjoy and beware, it's said that the devil walks the earth tonight. 

World War, Puhleese!

If the zombie apocalypse ever comes to pass, would you trust a renowned stupid head with a missing sensitivity chip to save the world? I know I wouldn't. That's one of the reasons I decided to watch World War Z because I knew it was going to be a mess, and what a mess it was.

Brad Pitt plays Gerry Lane a former investigator for the UN who gets pulled back in when the zombie apocalypse breaks loose. Pitt looks more like an aging male model with his styled just so, long, greasy, stringy hair and jaunty blue man scarf rather than someone intelligent enough to work for the UN. I guess he could have had a job at the UN cafeteria or as a janitor but not as high ranking employee. As usual Pitt looks as though he smells of three day old taco meat and sweaty onions he has a look in his eyes that calls more to mind of someone with diarrhea induced IBS trying to find the bathroom just in time rather than someone who has enough smarts to investigate one of the Mystery Gang's many cases. Thanks to his UN connections the UN sends a helicopter to save him and his family, well that's if they can survive the night, to be taken to a safe place. This how stupid Gerry is, he thinks that they're just saving him and his family because he used to work for the UN but they want him to work for them again to help solve the case of the world wide zombie epidemic. He's blackmailed into helping a young virologist track down the origin of the virus. He either helps or Gerry and his family must get out. So off to a US army base in South Korea they go where it's believed the crisis began because the military received an email from there that included the word "zombie". 

Our young virologist is fresh out of Harvard and only 23 years old. The writers are kind enough to give him a speech on how mother nature is a serial killer begging to get caught right before they kill him off. Luckily for Gerry the soldiers on the army base have imprisoned an ex CIA agent who shares some secrets with him. He sold guns to the North Koreans for protection from the zombies and that the North Korean government pulled all of their citizens teeth. No teeth, no bite-y, no zombie, no die-y. He tells Gerry that the Israeli's built a giant wall around their country so go there and talk to them. 

In Israel the head of the Mossad explains that they overheard a communique that the army in India were fighting zombies, so they investigated and things checked out, so they built a wall. The Israeli government is even letting people into the country, that way there are less zombies to fight. 

Don't go patting the Israeli government on the back, the idiots hold a sing along loud enough for the zombies to hear and this happens...

Great Wall of Z

The zombies join forces, climb over one another and climb the wall to get to the other side. So long Israel, you are now officially done for and we will finally have peace in the middle east. Sort of. 

Now World War Z starts cribbing off of a script from The Walking Dead. A young Israeli solider named Segan is helping to escort Gerry to the safety of his military plane, during a frantic race to keep ahead of the implausibly fast zombies, she gets bitten on her hand. So Gerry pulls a Rick Grimes and chops off her hand. They decide to find a research facility *cough-Walking Dead season one episode six CDC visit-cough* because Gerry thinks he knows how to buy humanity enough time to fight back. 

The zombies of World War Z are the same kind of zombies from 28 Days Later, super fast and strong. I personally prefer my zombies the old fashioned slow and decaying way ala Night of the Living Dead. But that's just me. 

This movie is definitely not slow in pace, the action starts about 15-20 mins after it starts and really doesn't let up, sure we get some quiet scenes but thankfully they don't drag them out. No time for character building here. And that's a problem, when Gerry's daughter has an asthma attack you just don't care. I'm sure other people felt the same way I did in that I just wanted that scene to end. I didn't care if she bit the big one, just make it stop! I couldn't even tell you the name of Gerry's wife his one daughter or the sacrificial lambs that lie in his wake. Most of the characters in the film didn't even get a name and if they did I couldn't make them out. I guess that's one way to build a wall of detachment  between your characters and your audience, just don't name them. Even if I did know their names, I still wouldn't have cared about their deaths, they were like plain white paper dolls, lacking in personality, easy to tear apart and 100% disposable. Lastly and this is my biggest gripe, I watched the unrated version and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what was so graphic or upsetting about it that warranted an unrated warning. Sure it's violent, it's a film about the apocalypse so there will be some blood and a lot of deaths, but there was very little gore. 

It was nice to see that Brad's wife made a special guest appearance, an uncredited one though.

So if and when the zombie apocalypse comes and you have a choice between going with team Brad or team Rick, always go with team Rick. Rick and his group know what they're doing and get it done and unlike aging pretty boy Brad, they don't need a military escort, they had to figure it out for themselves and they did, that's just how badass they are.

Phobic Fridays

Maskaphobia- The fear of masks 

Pain Don't Hurt, But Knowing That Hollywood Wants to Remake This Classic Does.

Road House is the 1989 Patrick Swayze classic that is so bad it's good, and I mean really good in that ridiculous make you laugh when you're not supposed to laugh way. I read online that those fuckers in Hollywood are going to take a steaming shit all over this classic by remaking it. 

Dalton, played by the late great Patrick Swayze, is hired to clean up a rowdy corrupt bar called the Double Deuce. The place is a clogged overflowing toilet, and the town of Jasper isn't much better.

It doesn't take long for our hero to start ruffling feathers and pissing people off.

If you're thinking that Dalton is your average ruffian then listen up. Dalton can give himself stitches, has a degree in philosophy and he does Tai Chi! Motherfucker does Tai Chi!

He also can also fight in his perfectly pleated white pants! Dalton sure does like his pleated pants.

Dalton makes an enemy in the town's big shot Brad Wesley. Dalton isn't impressed or frightened by his bullying ways and tells him so. That displeases Wesley but Dalton really infuriates Wesley when he starts dating the town's hot (I don't think she's hot) emergency room doctor. 

Wesley was sweet on the Doc, now he's jealous and pissed so someone's going to pay.

Goodbye Red's Auto Parts and the local Ford Dealership, 

Road House has everything, it has romance, throat snatching, ridiculous late 80s clothes, a stuffed polar bear falling on a fat man and bare Swayze ass. It also has Sam Elliott, I can't forget about Sam Elliott. I like his hair and he's much hotter than Swayze.

I don't see a need for a Road House remake, it's already perfect the way it is. 

Phobic Fridays

Ornithophobia- the fear of birds 

Phobic Fridays

Cynophobia- The fear of dogs 

Shark Week!

It's Shark Week and it's a wonderful time to be alive! 


I'm not sure why people hate sharks, sharks are awesome. They don't deserve their bad rap, they're just doing what a shark does, if you don't want bitten by one, get out of the water! 

So watch some Shark Week and remember to....

Listen to Tracy, this guy gets it. 

America, Fuck Yeah!

Normally I find the chant USA! USA! to be offensive but I'll be happy to use it today.

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

Congratulations to the Supreme Court for ruling that gay marriage is now the law of the land! And for upholding Obama Care.

Now the United States of America has gay marriage and affordable health care! Look out Europe, we're catching up.

Michele and Marcus Bachmann

Now is Marcus Bachmann's chance to stop pretending that prayer keeps the gay away and run! Run away from that bitch like a zebra running from a hungry angry lion.

Phobic Fridays

Astraphobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.

Phobic Fridays

Transphobic- Fear of transgender people, like this sorry excuse for a mother and human being who in a robo call said that Transgender individuals are child molesters. 

Talk about chewing up the scenery.

You know that the zombie trend has hit the wall and started its long slow slide down to the floor. And Zombeavers is the movie to prove it. 

Two idiot hazardous waste haulers hit a deer and cause a barrel of toxic waste to roll off the truck and float down stream to a beaver dam where it explodes onto two beavers and infects them. Meanwhile three generic looking college girls are on their way to a cabin in the woods to spend a girls weekend so the blonde one can get away from her cheating boyfriend. 

From left to right the smart one, the blonde one and the slutty one.

At the cabin the girls do the typical stupid girl things done in bad schlock films, swim, whine, go topless and get scared by their douchey boyfriends. Later that night the smart one and the slutty one have loud sex with their men while the blonde one cries in the living room with her cheating hussy of a man who is looking all teary eyed. The blonde one decides to shower or maybe to take a piss I forget which, and this happens. 

So instead of doing the smart thing which would be to hightail it out of the woods, the men try to kill the zombeaver and decide to call it a night and take a swim the next morning. Wanna see how that dip in the lake turns out? Sure you do!

So this happens and then this happens...

So the kids make a run for it to the cabin where they're greeted by this horror...

Still the morons stay and spend one horrific night fending off zombeavers and fighting with each other.

I love bad movies, I wasted my childhood and teen years every Saturday watching bad movies like Godzilla and whatever Z grade fare TBS or WPIX would show. While my peers were out there making memories with their friends I was holed up inside trying to find the next trashy movie to delight in.

I didn't delight in Zombeavers, it was just okay and predictable and the acting was just meh. I think maybe that was the problem, the actors actually tried. This is a movie about zombie beavers for fucks sake. The actors should have camped it up and delivered their lines in a wooden manner. Instead this is a once in a lifetime kind of movie because watching it once is more than enough.

Chante. Katya Should Have Stayed!

My beloved RuPaul has done did me wrong, she's gone and done did the whole world wrong! How could have she eliminated Katya? 

I have serious love for Katya and she should have been in the top three. Look at that face!

She speaks Russian! Her accent is so convincing people actually think she's Russian.

She's hysterical.

And most importantly, I want to be her BFF!

Seriously! I want to be her best friend

So long sweet Soviet Skank. This time RuRu chose wrong and it makes me sad. And if you find this blog please drop me a line!

Phobic Fridays

Urophobia- The fear of urine or of urinating. 

Phobic Fridays

Heliophobia- Fear of sunlight 

I must admit, I have this fear. I had to go outside today and the sun got on me. The horror!

The horror!

Phobic Fridays

 Melophobia- Fear of music

Phobic Fridays

Paraskevidekatriaphobia- Fear of Friday the 13th