Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Summertime and the reading is sleazy.



I'm no longer a monster porn virgin! I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I just known that I'm about $6 poorer for it but at least I know how a diner can turn you gay. 

Lars is a trucker, but he's not your stereotypical trucker. He has goals, he's planning on going to college and he likes to look good so he works out a lot. One night during a run he broods on his crumbling relationship with his girlfriend and realizes he forgot to bring snacks. Uh oh! Good thing there's a diner up the road, the Alpha diner.

As Lars steps out of the truck he notices the diner's face, the diner has a very handsome face, he's also impressed by the diner's rock hard abdominal doors. Inside the place is full of hungry truckers, young couples on first dates and the smell of good food. Shortly after being seated he hears a voice, it's the voice of the living Alpha diner and his name is Turk. Turk asks Lars if he's single and if he's gay, Lars is so turned on that he decides right then and there that decides that yes, he is indeed gay. 

Now we're to the porn part of the story and I'm already confused by the logistics of man/living diner man monster sex. How does the diner keep from tearing Lars apart? How does the diner get pleasure from something as small as a man? These are the questions I'm left with. 

After just one sexual encounter Lars and Turk fall in love and Lars decides to give up his college dreams to work at and be with the diner he so loves. 

Awww, and they lived happily ever after or until the health inspector shuts them down after finding a mysterious sticky substance on everything. 



This was my second experience with monster porn and it was just as ridiculous and I was still left wondering how anuses weren't split open and bowels shredded. 

Allen is a political reporter living in a brave new America, this America has accepted and embraced the Sasquatch race and has elected it's first Bigfoot president, president Yuldok. When the political blog he works for is granted an interview with the president, Allen thinks he has hit the big time, but little does he know that president Yuldok has a crush on him and has needs that only human Allen can fulfill. 

This is pretty much the story. 

Yuldok to Allen: Fuck me or get out. 

Allen to Yuldok: No! 

Yuldok to Allen:  Alright, this interview is over.

Allen to Yuldok: Okay then, I will fuck you!

Fucking scene commences. Yuldok has a huge rod, sucking, butt fucking, double penetration with the presidential butt plug, finishing with a hot foamy discharge. 

Though much smaller than the living Alpha diner, I'm sure that president bigfoot would still do some serious damage to Allen's ass and internal organs. 

As much as these stories made me laugh I still suffer from buyers remorse, because the covers are much funnier than anything Chuck Tingle could write. Unless you can get these stories for free, just stick to looking at the covers for a good laugh, you can think of your own poorly written fuck story if you need one.



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