Welcome To The Jungle Baby, A Drunk Cop Is Going To Interrogate You At 2AM In Your Bedroom!

 Female Jungle 1955

Starring: Kathleen Crowley, Lawrence Tierney, John Carradine, Burt Kaiser, and introducing Jayne Mansfield.

More like her head needs to be introduced to a paper bag.

Jayne Mansfield! I never saw a Jayne Mansfield movie before. 

Some fancy lady in a very fugly dress gets out of a cab crosses the street and gets murdered! The killer stole the fugly choker she had on. The gem looks like a cluster of Brockway raspberry hard candies.

Ouch! My neck!

This is the worst crime scene investigation since the JonBenet Ramsey investigation! They're letting the body just lie in the middle of the street while a bunch of randoms walk around it. What an awkward scene between the lead detective, the boss of the police, and the coroner. The coroner just sneezed all over the boss of the police. Blech

Some guy is standing in front of a building smoking. The lead detective and the boss of the police notice him.... he's a cop! A dipsomaniac cop! He got blackout drunk and thinks that he might have killed that fancy lady. Fancy lady is an actress, so she was slumming it. Boss of the police is riding Drunkard Cop's ass pretty hard and not in a fun way. Drunkard Cop has a good point when he tells Boss of the police that what he does on his time is his business but Boss of the police doesn't agree. Hard ass.

Damn, the body is just lying there and people are staring at it. Including a creepy greasy-looking loser with boyband hair. 

Quit playing games with my corpse... 

While he just stands there staring at a dead body his wife is walking home, alone at night, all by herself. Some creep is following her. Could that be the killer? Doubt it. Greasy Creep shows up and acts like his wife is bringing home strange men for the fun of it. Seriously, this guy is a dick. 

John Carradine is the creep who followed her home and he wants Greasy Creep, who is a caricature artist, to draw him at 2ish in the morning. I don't see how this could cause any problems.

Greasy Creep offers John a drink but Greasy Creep has already done did drink it all. How shameful and embarrassing! Greasy Creep will draw John's goofy likeness for a staggering $10! That was a lot of money back then. Wife goes to their gross little kitchen to make some coffee. Greasy Creep follows her in and they start talking about what a loser he is and how Wife is bragging about making fourteen dollars and some odd cents in tips to his ten dollars. Wife is all like "Maybe if you did this? Maybe if you did that?" She is making his sour mood worse. Wait? Is he eating a raw hot dog? I think he's eating a raw hot dog! Gross.

Domestic squabbles are better with raw hot dogs.

Lady seriously needs to drop this drunk greasy hot dog eating $10 a month earning loser. Maybe her luck has just changed because he storms out. Damn, this lady is stupid. Greasy Creep storms out in the middle of the night leaving her alone with a stranger and she readily agrees to go to said stranger's house for a drink. 

Let's drop in on Drunkard Cop, shall we? He's hanging out at the bar asking questions and keeping the good folks at Club Can-Can from going home. People keep telling him that he took a blonde home and he can't remember a thing about it. There is something seriously wrong with Drunkard Cop, he goes to the apartment of a waitress in the middle of the night and then questions her right in her bedroom! With her husband trying to sleep. What the what? After haranguing the waitress in her bedroom he gets the name of the lady he was with. And that lady is...

She makes out with any man who walks into her apartment.

Jayne! Jayne is lying there like a dead fish in leopard print pants and Drunkard Cop just walks into her apartment and then they start making out. In the middle of the make-out session, she answers the phone and starts making plans with another man. This is seriously a WTF? moment. Jayne's radio is blaring and it starts to replay the interviews from the premiere that Fancy Lady was at earlier that night. This gives Drunkard Cop an important clue, that John was also at the premiere. Uh oh, Fourteen Dollars And Some Odd Cents In Tips Lady is with him at this home! 

Don't worry honey, I use water and vinegar.

Meanwhile, John and Fourteen Dollars And Some Odd Cents In Tips Lady are enjoying a drink at his place. His home is the fanciest of 1950s living and she loves it! He has a garden in the living room, a fancy audio system, a picture of the Fancy Lady, and a swimming pool! John starts getting creepy, Fourteen Dollars And Some Odd Cents In Tips lady asks what's outside and she asks to go for a swim. How convenient, John has ladies' swimsuits in the pool house. 

Greasy Creep comes back home after doing whatever and finds out his wife went with John.  Jayne hears him come into their scuzzy apartment building and tries to make out with him. But he ain't having it. When he finds out his wife is gone he's suddenly very worried about her. So worried he goes to the police who are still at Club Can-Can.

This scene would have worked better with a raw hotdog.

But my wife is missing, and so is my copy of "Rough and Ready Butt Sluts"!

After reporting to Drunkard Cop and Lead Cop that his wife is gone and that he's really worried about her he goes out into the alley and runs into Jayne! They start making out and in between slobbers, he tells Jayne how worried he is about his wife and how his wife is his whole world. Just as Greasy Creep tells Jayne that they're through because of how much loves his wife, John drives up with Fourteen Dollars And Some Odd Cents In Tips Lady. Greasy Loser accuses her of slutterly and she runs home crying. 

Drunkard Cop and Lead Cop start to question John and things get heated, so heated John accuses Lead Cop of bullying him into a wrongful confession and Drunkard Cop tells Lead Cop to lay off then he punches him.

Why would I steal your copy of "Rough and Ready Butt Sluts"? I don't even like Dostoevsky!

John said that Greasy Creep is the killer so Drunkard Cop agrees to a set up. Greasy Creep learns that John got away and calls Fourteen Dollars And Some Odd Cents In Tips Lady to stay put and to lock the door. Just as she locks the door John jumps out and scares her. She runs out and runs into Greasy Creep who then yells at her. She runs away again then Jayne comes out of nowhere to convince Greasy Creep to leave his wife and then Geasy Creep gets all nutty and admits to the murder and then kills Jayne. Greasy Creep gets caught and all is well. Well not for Fourteen Dollars And Some Odd Cents In Tips Lady, she just learned that her husband was a cheating, not right in the head murderer. 

Now who will eat raw hot dogs while arguing with me about who gets to read "Rough and Ready Butt Sluts" first? 

This was an odd little film that deserves multiple viewing.