This Isn't Really An Edward G. Robinson Film... See

Nightmare 1956

Hey, it’s an Edward G. Robinson film!

I’m going to watch this, see. And it better be good, see.

Opening with two floating heads… and some narration. Hey, I know that narrator guy! He played the doctor in Invasion of they Body Snatchers who didn’t want to be a soulless, godless communist. He also played that rich guy who wanted to marry Blanche to babysit his kids.

Why do I get the feeling it’s this guy’s movie more than Robinson’s?

They’re in a mirrored room, please don’t let this be a rip off of the fun house scene from The Lady from Shanghai! Thank sweet baby Jebus it’s not. Narrator guy is getting choked out, some lady hands him an icepick and stabby stabby! That’s right push that dead body through that mirrored door!

And here’s your standard gasping awake scene.

Relax, guy, it was just a nightmare… Oh, shit, it wasn’t He has a key and the dead guy’s suit jacket button in his hand! Now he’s acting like a big baby and refusing to go to work, considering you live in what looks like a flop house room you should probably go.

Now he’s brooding over a melody he heard in his dream not dream and is getting pissy because he can’t figure it out.

Well, helloooooo nurse, I bet that’s his girl and does she know how to fill out a dress! *wolf whistles* I know a hot piece of puss when I see one.

God, this song she’s singing is terrible. Stan didn’t show up for work. So that’s the murder guy’s name, Stan. He’s a musician. That means he’s constantly two dimes away from eviction, he better get his ass to the recording studio or else Billy May is going to fire him. Why is he being such a jerk to his hot piece girl? She doesn’t know that you might have murdered someone so stop taking it out on her!

Where in the hell does Edward G. Robinson figure into this film? It’s his face and name are all over the poster artwork.

How convenient that Stan’s brother-in-law is a police officer.

Finally, we have Eddie. He’s a cop named Rene and they’re in New Orleans?

Nothing about this film leads me to believe that’s where they are. At least they’re not forcing them to do bad Cajun accents.

Why in the hell are you telling your cop brother-in-law that you might have really killed someone? Eddie is telling him shut the fuck up about it and to not make his sister who is up the stick, sick with worry.

Here’s the obligatory wandering around the mean city streets asking all of his musician friends if they ever heard the tune that was in his dream. WTF? They’re in NOLA and he only knows two black musicians? Fucking 1950s…

Time to drown his sorrows, he looks up and sees the floating head lady from his dream! But it’s not her it’s a hooker. Seriously I think he just picked up a hooker. She invited him back to her place. And he’s going to go through with it! Seeing her head in the mirror was a total boner killer and he’s outta there!

Hmmm, wha? What’s going on? I fell asleep, rewinding.

Eddie is forcing Stan to go to a picnic with his sister and his girl. His wife made a big batch of jambalaya! Eating a hot bowl of jambalaya out in the heat and humidity in a full suit sounds gross.

Stan tells them where to go to eat but no one, including Stan has ever heard of it.

Stan just told his girl to “forget about us”. Thanks, Stan, now I have that Mariah Carey song running through my head. Fuck face.

Oh no, it starts to downpour and the lightning is frightening his sister, now for a long awkward ride home for his ex-girl.

Eddie cheaped out and bought a car without working wipers, now they’re going to crash and die!

Wait, Stan gives Eddie directions to a house where they can hang out in until it stops raining.

Uh oh… that’s where the murder took place.

It’s the mirrored room! And Stan chose what’s behind door #1 which is… a big blood stain.

I’m starting to nod off.

Some guy enters through the kitchen door asking questions… he’s with the sheriff’s office. Yup, it’s been confirmed Stan killed that guy and that lady who was run over by a car was there that night.

And Stan passes out…

Wha? Oh, I fell asleep let’s rewind this… Oh, Eddie is going to give Stan until tomorrow to get out of town or be brought in. That’s nice of him.

Now Stan is going to jump! Let him jump Eddie! I just want Stan to die at this point.

Wha? I don't know what is going on, I fell asleep again. Rewinding...

They’re having a sleepover? Oh, Eddie’s just babysitting.

Now they’re trying to piece this thing together.

Stan killed the guy but not the lady because she was hit by a car and Stan, much like a virgin, can’t drive a car.

Eddie tries to turn on the light but it doesn’t work. This triggers Stan’s memory….

Stan suddenly remembers the time his awkward neighbor talked him into drinking a daiquiri he didn’t want into taking a cough drop even though he hates them. I see where this is going and I’d rather watch Orson Welles ham it up in Black Magic.

Black Magic was a good film, a bit on the hammy side but still good.

Eddie follows up on a few leads and confirms that yes indeed that awkward neighbor guy did what I thought he did. He hypnotized Stan into murdering for him!

I’m sorry but I don’t know the exact reason why he did it because I nodded off again and I’m not rewinding to find out.

Stan and Eddie are doing a sting operation with the world's biggest tape recorder. It picked up every word clearly. I guess everything was made better back then.

I told you it was big!

Confession made, the bad guy gets caught and now it’s time to celebrate!

Stan’s sister is eating a bunch of duck watching his girl sing that horrible song.

Here comes Stan and Eddie to wrap this shit up with a happy ending.

Eddie didn’t end a single sentence with “see”.

Stan doesn’t deserve a happy ending. He was going to fuck that cheap blonde hooker. Why go out for Steakums when you have filet mignon at home?

Seriously, Stan’s girl was hot.

Thanks, Tubi.